In part

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!
Psalms 116:1‭-‬2 NLT

I met another guy, cool as can be. Very accepting and confident about the situation. Well, let’s see how long he lasts. He married me.

And started what I now call my fertility journey. This story is intertwined with another story, there was a long standing custody battle for my step daughter going on. The issue of stress and it’s effects on your cycle is the fodder of medical journals. This is not my story, my story is one of overcoming even in the midst of such a strained, stressed and distressed environment.

I had determined, NEVER to go through hormonal therapy again. I was adamant about it. My husband was not there while I was going through it and I could not explain it in enough vivid detail. It was a sore point for some time, but I didn’t see any value addition in taking the medical journey. Yes, I met so many ladies for whom this had worked but it was too painful to go through Godzilla again. Especially as a young, blushing bride.

This was ok for the first year, a few nudges, side eyes at events to check for bulges but well, we were in a new millennium. Who rushes into child birth anymore, right? Laughter and onto more pressing matters.

The second year, pressure started mounting. What are you people up to? One person walked into the office, we had an open office and loudly announced, you girl, if you cannot give birth, you return our contributions to the wedding. Wow! It is a custom to fundraise for a wedding and up till that point, I always thought people did it because they were happy to see you wed. Clearly, naive. There are vested interests. There was a hush in the office, till one of the supervisors checked him for his remark. Later, a few work mates walked over to just encourage me and tell me so many stories about ladies who had gone through years and conceived, some we worked with and others remained stories. Two ladies took me under their wings, and prayed with me every day and encouraged me. One passed on but I shall never forget her kindness and compassion.

Photo credit: Pintrest

My MIL never took life sitting down. She has always been a fighter. She determined that this situation needed a fighter. She told me if you are not going to the doctors, we are going to pray. And so we started the rounds of looking for pastors all over the town. Any pastor she heard who healed, we were there. Sowing seeds. Praying. Counselling. Eventually, her home became a church. She hosted prayer meetings everyday. She lived 20kms away from our home at the time, we were there till late. Praying. It started to take a toll on me, I wasn’t sleeping well and eating well. One night, we had a near kidnap incident while waiting for Traffic lights to change. I opted out of this.

A friend of mine landed on Kenneth Copeland and his teachings on faith. While watching TBN, Kenneth Copeland was never one I would watch. I was watching TD Jakes, Juanita Bynum, Rod Parsley….fire in my bones. Well, here was this calm, Kenneth with his beloved Gloria and their southern drawls teaching on faith. The seed was sown. Every day we discussed the podcasts and faith began to grow. We prayed together daily.

A young, fiery, prophet Kakuru joined as an intern in our unit. As it is with prophets, the first encounters are dramatic. When he saw us across the room, he walked to us and told us he was going to sit next to us for his entire internship. Wow! We didn’t know him from Adam. He came back later, and started to teach us about prayer. Everything he said would tally with what Kenneth Copeland had taught.

Another young, quiet man with a pastoral heart joined our team after Kakuru left, he introduced us to e- sword. It was a downloadable Bible. I started to study the Word of God. I do not take it for granted that in this time, all these resources were available to me. I know God was at work, preparing me and teaching me about Himself so I could be like the tree in Psalm 1.

Still, I did not conceive. The frustration of doing all you know to do and still have negative pregnancy results started to set in. It seeped in like a cancer, slowly and started to settle. My days darkened and I began to feel worthless and useless. I was depressed but I didn’t know it.

God will not let you go. He will come to you. He came to me. Despite, the frustration, the only hope I had was in God. I took leave and decided to have a retreat with God. My maid had headaches that would keep her down for an entire day. I knew God to be the healer. James says if anyone is sick, let him call the elders. I called my pastor to pray for her. He decided to pray with me as well. Some thing lifted off me, I could see clearly.

First things first, faith without works is dead. I decided to go shopping for my baby. I knew it would be a boy so everything was blue. I found a lovely yellow outfit, my mother loved yellow, I got it for him. It was the only non-blue outfit. I researched about pregnancy, what to eat, what to wear, how to manage on a budget, the trending gyns, the hospitals. I attended baby showers, birthday parties and took notes about everything and I mean everything- maids, daycare, schools, curriculums, language, prayer-What I would do and what not to do.

During a visit to my SIL, I learnt that even with children,the romance is not over. A mother was still a wife and a companion.

A vivid conversation, I recall was that babies are also spirit beings so they know God. Hoooo…baby Bibles, baby gospel music. I started speaking to the eggs and hormones to hear the Word of God. I was high on the Most High.

At this point, I was doing pregnancy tests almost every week. They were negative, sometimes it felt there were two Doras. One willing to go and the other questioning her logic. If you keep doing the same thing you have always done, with the same results, why keep on doing it? Well, if it ain’t broke, you can fix it! Then I had it, the very last test, I wrote all the promises of God all over it. I spoke back to that report and told it to keep quiet. And I kept quiet.